Some Things to consider when having a conversation with someone about a contentious topic
October, 2017
~Wayne David Schmoyer
Principle A: When anyone is urgently expressing something verbally the surface message about their chosen topic may or may not be worded the way they want to say it – But what they think the topic MEANS to them is the important thing behind the surface message. So:
1] Try not to argue with the surface meaning and 2] try to learn what the meaning of the topic is for them.
Principle B: The goal of communication is to share ideas, not to disprove others ideas.
Principle C: Effective two way communication will bring about a sense of relief for both parties; if it doesn't then it is not effective.
STEPS:
ONE: REMEMBER that you have no obligation to engage in a debate just because you disagree with the other person; reserve the right to just listen and get more information.
TWO: You should respond but also be polite and get more information about
1] why the other person believes what they said and 2] what it means for them.
THREE: Remember that during the conversation you will both misunderstand each other's
1] motives and the 2] meanings behind the words being used.
FOUR: Always listen more than you speak; speak less than you usually do.
FIVE: End the conversation sooner, rather than later; don't let it go on too long.
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