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Avoiding Conflict online or in-person

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Some Things to consider when having a conversation with someone about a contentious topic

October, 2017

~Wayne David Schmoyer

Principle A:  When anyone is urgently expressing something verbally the surface message about their chosen topic may or may not be worded the way they want to say it – But what they think the topic MEANS to them is the important thing behind the surface message. So:

1] Try not to argue with the surface meaning and 2] try to learn what the meaning of the topic is for them.

Principle B: The goal of communication is to share ideas, not to disprove others ideas.

Principle C: Effective two way communication will bring about a sense of relief for both parties; if it doesn't then it is not effective.

STEPS:

ONE: REMEMBER that you have no obligation to engage in a debate just because you disagree with the other person; reserve the right to just listen and get more information.

TWO: You should respond but also be polite and get more information about

 1] why the other person believes what they said and 2] what it means for them.

THREE: Remember that during the conversation you will both misunderstand each other's

1] motives and the 2] meanings behind the words being used.

FOUR: Always listen more than you speak; speak less than you usually do.

FIVE: End the conversation sooner, rather than later; don't let it go on too long.

 

 

 

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Wayne, I like what you said about uncertainty. The way I see it, the less we know about a proposition, the more staunchly we tend to defend it. It happens in science too much. But it happens in religion, even more. In the end, we can know with some certainty what we feel at the moment. And with a great deal of reasoning we can be pretty sure of the proposition "I think I think; therefore I think I am." Further afield, we actually know very little. So I tend to think that the truth of a religious proposition lies not in some essence of fact, but in how we would feel about living in a group, a society, a world that embraces the same proposition. For example "all people are equal before the law." When religious ideas and practices help us to be more kind, reflective, and open to other people, I think they can help us feel better about our place in society. And they can help us be part of a happier society. It is my opinion, however, that a great deal of theolog...
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